A fact about clouds…

There are 14 per cent fewer clouds than there were in 1980.

Experts believe that thousands of low-flying clouds have been captured by Roman Abramovich, who plans to fly into Heaven on them at the moment of his own choosing.

Published in: on February 2, 2010 at 10:33 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Some facts about babies…

  • Babies are 103% water – this means that if you place one in a bath it will float above the surface.
  • Romanians celebrate July 17th by rolling babies down a hill, with the winning child winning a pie. The festival is known as Baby Breaking Pie Day.
  • We assume that we were all babies once but that isn’t the case. One in twenty of us were born aged nine or older. Des Lynam was born at the age of 43, and has stayed there ever since.
  • The biggest-selling cliché of 2007 was ‘A baby is just a grown-up you haven’t met yet.’
  • In human maths, the baby is the minus sign.
Published in: on January 28, 2010 at 9:27 pm  Leave a Comment  
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A fact about North Korea…

All of North Korea’s long-range weapons are built in the shape of Kim Jong Il’s middle finger.

The missiles are then all individually coloured in by the Great Leader, using his special toxic pencil.

Published in: on January 27, 2010 at 8:49 am  Leave a Comment  
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Some facts about Doctor Who…

  • The little-known ‘bonus Doctor’ was Ronnie Barker, who appeared as the Timelord in a series of 18 charcoal drawings commissioned by leading pornographer Paul Raymond.
  • In Sri Lanka, the character is known as ‘Doctor Pox.’
  • BBC chiefs recently took out an injunction against the makers of the ‘Timeworm’ alcoholic drink, which purported to be the Doctor’s urine with a worm in it.
  • In Ian Fleming’s original books, Doctor Who has an extra vagina.
  • When Peter Davison announced he was leaving the series in 1984, the show’s producers held talks with Duran Duran, who agreed to become the new Doctors. However, Timelord law prevented the controversial regeneration from going ahead.
Published in: on January 1, 2010 at 8:47 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Some facts about the human brain…

  • The word ‘brain’ derives from the French words ‘berre rainnne’, which translates as ‘inside head jelly’.
  • William Shakespeare once tried to write a play without using any part of his brain. The resulting effort was called ‘The A To Z Of Vinegar’ and lasted a mere seventeen seconds.
  • If you eat the brain of another human, you adopt all of their intelligence. This is why you should never opt for the cheap brains in the increasingly popular cannibal restaurants.
  • Every human brain has a five pound note tucked into it. It was put there by God and is only to be used in an emergency.
  • A popular myth suggests that if you cut a brain in half it has the word ‘Brain’ written through it. In fact if you do cut a brain in half you’ll find the words ‘Cheeky Peter’ there, in red neon. As yet, no-one knows why.
Published in: on December 16, 2009 at 1:00 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Some facts about the Cringe Wiper…

The perfect way to keep your facial muscles tight, trim and up to scratch is the Cringe Wiper.

It’s a total, all-over facemask, the kind you’d usually associate with maniacs, but the difference is that it contains a scaled down version of a washing machine engine.

Put it on for an hour and it will stretch, buff and bronze your face until you look brand new. You won’t know you’re wearing it – unless you try to move that is, because it will slice all your features clean off!

Published in: on December 16, 2009 at 12:00 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Some facts about Hedgehog Flu…

This is a rare but nasty disease that can only be transmitted by Sir Derek Hedgehog (left), the former chairman of Nabisco Biscuits.

Sir Derek has been on the run since he contracted the disease in December 2004 and all attempts so far to capture him have failed.

If you find yourself being suddenly licked on the back of the neck by a disheveled businessman who has appeared from nowhere, chances are you’ll soon have Hedgehog Flu.

Within 48 hours, your head will feel as though it’s wearing a hat that is three sizes too small. Then your eyeballs will fall out one by one.

There is no known cure for hedgehog flu.

Published in: on December 16, 2009 at 11:09 am  Leave a Comment  
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A fact about Winston Churchill…

Churchill’s infamous ‘We will fight them on the beaches’ oratory is one of the most widely misquoted speeches in history.

What the great British Prime Minister actually said was: “You know… you can’t paint tits on a witch.”

Published in: on December 15, 2009 at 5:04 pm  Leave a Comment  
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A short fact about gin…

Gin was originally called ‘gipn’ – the word was a shortened version of the phrase ‘get impossibly pissed now.’

Published in: on December 15, 2009 at 3:09 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Some short facts about oil…

  • A new, pink oil is being developed by boffins, especially for girls.
  • The moment when a drill strikes oil and it spurts up into the sky is known in the industry as an oilgasm.
  • Petrol is just crude oil with all the caffeine taken out.
  • There are many nicknames for oil – these include Texan Tar, Liquid Liquorice, God’s Midnight Toss and Sleeping Beauty’s Thousand-Year-Old Monging Arse Cum.
  • The world’s oil-poorest country is San Marino. It has just 300ml of the stuff, which it keeps inside the head of a bomb-proof doll.
Published in: on December 15, 2009 at 11:40 am  Leave a Comment  
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